Tears and Rain
by BrokenSouledPoetess
Summary: A short songfic.


He sat still in the calm night air, breeze gently playing with his hair. Try as he might, he couldn't get her from his mind. When he would stare at nothing, she would be there smiling; when he would sleep, she was there holding him. He wanted her; more than he had ever wanted anything and he couldn't have her. He had missed his chance.

"How I wish I could surrender my soul;  
Shed the clothes that become my skin;  
See the liar that burns within my needing."

At first, he had thought her weak and meaningless; something to be abhorred and walked upon. She had forced his attention on her though without even meaning to. She was fierce in spite of her fear and held her ground against him. She had stood up to him countless times, knowing that with the smallest of motions, she could lay dead at his feet.

"How I wish I'd chosen darkness from cold.  
How I wish I had screamed out loud,  
Instead I've found no meaning."

He had sought her out, without her knowledge of course, on more than one occasion. She intrigued him in so many ways and he found that it was both an annoyance and a blessing. Yes, she was a blessing. He had the chance to live in her light for so long and he never took it. She was the embodiment of love and life; of happiness and purity. There was an endless fountain of praise that could be said about her from his lips alone; but she would never hear them.

He knew. He had seen her fade away.

Never before had he thought it possible to feel a pain so real and intense without it being a physical malady. Realization had hit him in light of it all; no pain delivered to the body could ever compare with that which could be dealt to the heart. How had she lived with it for so long? How could she have bared to keep living with the wretched aching he now knew she felt in her heart?

How could she have smiled before she was gone with such love?

It made no more sense to him now than it had then. She was an enigma; one he had thought he had all the time in the world to figure out. Well, at least as long as her life force would give her. He had actually planned on it too; he had planned to take her away with him. Take her to a place where nothing but smiles would ever grace her face; a place where she wouldn't feel pain any longer. He had wanted to make her his and prolong her life just to see her eyes sparkle with love and happiness for all eternity.

"I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,  
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.  
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.  
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.  
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain."

The entire situation seemed tragically cruel. Such a beautiful soul had been pulled away from the world he knew; had been taken from his world. It had left his soul feeling unbelievably barren and empty; like vast amounts of desert that held nothing but sand. His life had been filled with anger, hatred and iron-willed control. He had not known the feelings of love and happiness until he had known her.

"How I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind;  
Hold memory close at hand,  
Help me understand the years."

If he was honest with himself, he knew he had denied the emotions she stirred in his soul for too long. It was his own fault that he hadn't taken the chance to tell her that there was someone who truly loved her and would miss her greatly should she ever leave. Oh and did he miss her! He missed everything about her and on lonely nights, every memory he had of her would swarm him.

"How I wish I could choose between Heaven and Hell.  
How I wish I would save my soul.  
I'm so cold from fear."

He would remember the sound of her laugh, so light and melodic, floating across a clearing to meet his ears and the glittering depths of her eyes when a smile reached them. If he closed his eyes, he could feel her soft hands caress him gently in the one and only hug he had ever gotten from her. He could imagine the tenderness she treated children with and had always thought she would make a good mother. Had he not been the being he was, he could have cried at the loss of her.

Even though he would fight, a tear would still slip down his cheek once in awhile.

It seemed so far away and so very near all at once. That fateful night when the greatest light in the world had been lost had happened a few centuries ago and still, on nights such as these, it would seem like only yesterday. He wasn't sure anymore how long he had been visiting the place where she last stood and he would sniff the air absentmindedly, trying to catch her scent.

"I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,  
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.  
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.  
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.  
Far, far away; find comfort in pain.  
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.  
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain."

In the end, it was all futile. He had loved Kagome with all that he was; her memory had inspired him to live up to his title as a Great Demon Lord.

And now, Sesshoumaru found that the only thing he really wanted was her love.


End file.
